Jason Piperberg

Bill Murray doesn’t use Twitter. Obviously. Why would he waste time on social media when he’s got restaurant openings to crash, alumni meetups to attend, and Broadway musicals to cry at? He’s too cool for that.

But the parody Twitter account that carries his name is incredibly popular. Nearly every one of its seemingly neverending stream of quotes garners hundreds of retweets from over half a million followers. We know for a fact that the real Bill Murray did not say any of these brilliant things about beer and then post them on the internet. And based on some cursory Google searches, it’s pretty clear that the fake Bill Murray didn’t come up with them, either.

But no matter who came up with these quotes (and if you can prove authorship, let us know!), they are, undoubtedly, the most brilliant thoughts ever tweeted about beer:

And yet your hypocritical boss will get super mad if you have a “salad” with lunch?

In retrospect, it’s weird that Coldplay’s “Fix You” doesn’t have any references to cold beer and pizza.

We believe your night is better for it.

C’mon SoulCycle, get on board with this! Or you can just drink a beer in between yoga poses.

The second instruction should be, “Have another -- this Gjöra bed frame is gonna take at least an hour to put together.”

Coincidentally, drinking beer is a prerequisite for figuring out life.

And your next check-in on Untappd! Gotta earn those badges, right?!

This one's the only one he got wrong: it’s exactly the same thing.