HalloweenCostumes.com / BoozinGear.com

Halloween is upon us -- which means it’s time to stress out about a costume. Sure, you could easily emulate some overexposed topical public figure like the NFL’s Roger Goodell (simple suit and tie) or reality star Kylie Jenner (purse your lips, hire 10 people to follow you around)...but we know you can do better! And since we’re arguably (okay, definitely) just a bit (fine...totally) obsessed with beer, we think you should dress up in a beer-themed Halloween costume this year to demonstrate your devotion to the beverage.

To help make the selection process a bit easier for you, we’ve surveyed the many full-body beer getups from HalloweenCostumes.com and BoozinGear.com, and ranked them based on accuracy. After all, Halloween is all one thing, and one thing only: judging everyone else’s costumes. You don’t want to screw this up! This year, forget the candy and holiday spirit, and focus solely on donning the most accurate beer costume at your lame office party so that you can be respected as the resident beer expert.

Here are your options, in order from least to most realistic:

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10) German Beer Wench Piggyback Costume

Price: $69.95
Yeah, right: everyone at the party is totally going to buy that you flew in a beer wench from Germany and hired her to give you a piggyback ride for a few hours at a party. Though we have to give kudos to the costume maker for working hard on those pigtails, no one’s gonna believe that that wench is one foot tall and can carry around your body weight.

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9) Beer Mug Hat

Price: $19.99
Oh, come on -- the costume maker clearly just repurposed some unsold Pope hats and threw some handles on ‘em. Pathetic!

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8) Captain 6 Pack

Price: $24.95
Captain 6 Pack is not a real superhero. Even though the Marvel Cinematic Universe has seemingly thousands of characters, none of them is named Captain 6 Pack. Wouldn’t it be more clever to place the six-pack vertically, over where your abs should be, so people can grab beers from there? Come on, costume designers! Step your game up!

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7) Beer Keg

Price: $39.99
Until Pixar makes a sad movie about anthropomorphic beer kegs, we refuse to believe that they can ever come to life. And that’s what this is supposed to look like, right? That a beer keg came alive and attached itself like a parasite to a bro? Sorry, but no. However, one legitimately cool thing about this costume: there’s room in the helmet for a beer, which you can pour for people from the attached tap. We can drink to that.

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6) Golden Nights Beer Bottle Costume

Price: $39.95
Strangely, there’s currently a Golden Knights professional hockey team in Las Vegas. That’s a little confusing. Ultimately, the costume looks less like a bottle of beer than one of a sexy Pan Am flight attendant. Which is fine! But we’re judging these costumes on accuracy, and until there’s a Golden Nights Brewing Co., this ain’t accurate enough.

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5) Beer Bottle Costume

Price: $24.99
At least this time around, the manufacturer made the effort to imitate a real beer brand! Kind of? The label on the bottle they were clearly emulating reads “Premium Quality,” and we’re pretty sure that’s not a trademarked phrase. So why didn’t they just use “Premium Quality”? What the hell is “Genuine Premium?” At this point, maybe a better question is why we’re so consistently disappointed by Halloween costume designers.

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4) Party Animal Costume

Price: $44.99
Gotta say, that chimp mask does look pretty legit. And we love that it comes with plaid shorts, the only piece of apparel that says, “I am a chimp who has grown to love alcoholic beverages, and I want to distribute beer to fun-loving partygoers the world around.” Hell, if Americans believe that a bull terrier can love beer and partying, why not a chimp?

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3) Beer Pong Costume

Price: $44.99
Ugh, this costume comes so close: beer pong played on an unhinged door; one team mercilessly crushing the other. College flashback, anyone? But the costume loses points because it doesn’t come with a ping pong ball! And more importantly, there’s no cup for warm water on each side that clearly “sanitizes” the ball after it rolls into warm pools of beer, motor oil, and pubic hairs on the floor of a garage that hasn’t been cleaned since the house was built in 1975.

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2) Adult Beer Bottle Case Group Costume

Price: $24.99
Three beers for $24.99? Yeah, that’s around what three bottles cost in New York City. Realistic! Plus, these are the most accurate portrayals of bottles we’ve seen yet. Just check out the stitching on those caps -- that’s some attention to detail. Best of all? Splitting the cost three ways, this is as cheap as a costume is gonna get. Worst of all? The Human Centipede-like formation might lead to some uncomfortable moments throughout the night.

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1) Cheers and Beers Costume

Price: $39.99
At last, perfection: a man dressed in all green and a shamrock hat, drinking far too many beers at once. Yeah, we’re pretty sure we’ve seen that before. Nailed it!