Emmy Reis

The Brewers Association recently released new style guidelines for beer. Updated annually, these guidelines let brewers know how more than 150 different beer styles should be brewed, and what they should taste like. And unless you’re a brewer or a hardcore beer geek, there are likely a ton of styles in there that you probably never knew existed: everything from Bamberg-Style Bock Rauchbier, to Field Beer, to Robust Porter (personally, we always order our porters extra robust).

However, few people realize that for every new beer style that’s added to the list, there are dozens of rejected styles that don’t make the cut. We here at The Beer Necessities managed to round up some of these even lesser lesser-known beer styles that were left off of this year’s guidelines.

We totally didn’t make these up.

Ultra American-Style India Pale Ale
The UASIPA is like a standard American IPA, but with four times the hops and eights times the IBUs. Despite the unrelenting bitterness of the beer, a true connoisseur will fight his or her gag reflex and mutter through gritted teeth, “I wish this had more of a hop bite.”

New Jersey Lager
This beer is given a spray tan as part of its secondary fermentation. When one is ordered, the bartender must ask the customer, “Who the fuck you think you're talkin’ to?” Though most popular from 2009-2012, this style is making a strong comeback.

Pumpkin Spice Latte Ale
This is less of a brewing style and more just pouring beer into a Starbucks cup that once held a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Only available September through November (after which the style is replaced by Gingerbread Latte Ale).

Avocado Toast Witbier
This is an entire beer brewed specifically to be poured out onto a piece of thick-as-hell toast with a slab of avocado. It is available in every bougie restaurant ever and always costs $30.

Summer Music Festival Kölsch
This Kölsch-style ale tastes like sweat and service charges, and causes the drinker to give the stink eye to people in air conditioned VIP tents.

Super Sour
For fans of Warheads and rectal pain, this beer will elicit a physical response in which an imbiber’s entire body will pucker up so hard that it will retreat within itself. We suggest making preparations to go missing for days after drinking one.

Old School Dad Lager
Who cares how it tastes? This is a beer that your dad has been drinking for 45 years and he ain’t gonna change that now. Drink this beer because all other beer is terrible.

Russian (Non-Imperial) Stout
It’s tricky, because sometimes the bottle of this beer says it’s an American Stout. But you know better. You know it’s a Russian Stout.

Vegan Ale
Designed to be sipped during conversation over such topics as the newest artisan almond milk cream cheese and how outdoor BBQs should more aptly be renamed “Summertime Cow Hellscapes,” Vegan Ale is made with no animal-based ingredients, additives, or processing agents, except sometimes beef.

In-N-Out Ale
Served almost exclusively in California, this beer is a huge source of regional pride. There are other beers in all 49 other states that taste way better than this one, but for some reason, no one from California wants to hear it.

Mega-Ultra Light Lager
A non-alcoholic, gluten-free, hop-free beer brewed with water, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper. Popularized by models during Fashion Week and moms who read Goop.