Coating your entire body in beer probably isn’t the best use of the finest beverage in the world (unless, of course, you feel like paying someone $215 to do it the right way). But I recently noticed that a number of grooming products hitting the market include beer as an ingredient, claiming to produce softer skin, thicker hair, and lusher beards (you listening now, brewers?).
This got me thinking: could these beer-infused products transform me into a classier, more handsome stud? I certainly hope so, because I’m vain as all hell.
So I decided to test the effectiveness of five different sudsy grooming products, including a beard oil, body butter, shampoo, soap, and soap whip -- all of which are made with beer. Below are the results.
Price: $8.99 (1oz bottle)
I have a beard. Well, kind of -- at least, hair grows on my face and I don’t shave it. Whatever you call it, I should probably take better care of it, and applying Lesher’s Beerd oil -- an all-natural grapeseed oil infused with hops -- was an essential first step. I love that you can choose the type of hops you want to smell like, including Galaxy, Mosaic, Simcoe, Citra, and Cascade. (I chose Citra.)
Now, keep in mind that this does not smell like fresh hops (one of the better aromas on planet Earth). And while the website says that the Citra Beerd Oil should give off “strong citrus and tropical tones,” I’m sad to report that I didn’t get too much of that either. Upon rubbing about 10 drops from my palm into my beard, I got a whiff of what smelled a bit like skunked beer...followed by a whiff of hops!...and then back to skunked beer.
None of this matters much, though, because after I finished the application, my beard -- excuse me, beerd -- felt soft. Like that of a man who cares about what the hair growing out of his face looks like. And that alone is worth the $8.99 plus shipping.
credits:"[The Beerded Beard Company / Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/BeerdedBeard/photos/a.1513664525516714.1073741828.1513636312186202/1782218295328001/?type=3&theater)" align:center
Price: $7.50 (4oz)
As a (straight) male, I didn’t know what body butter was before I started researching this story. I just imagined it was something they sold in the kinky aisle of Bed Bath & Beyond. Boy, was that dumb -- I wish I would’ve known about this stuff earlier. It’s like lotion on steroids! And for someone with dry skin who lives at a higher elevation (I’m in Colorado, 5000 feet above sea level), it’s incredibly useful.
credits:"PurplecatCreatives" align:right width:350
Admittedly, I was a little bummed it didn’t smell more like a pilsner, but that’s probably because this body butter is made from lager “blended with nuances of creamy pumpkin, dark patchouli, oak resin and subtle spice.” Translation: it smells like what I imagine real cowboys smell like. (Not the football players -- the ones out west from the olden days.) It’s complex and intriguing, and I couldn’t stop sniffing it. Perhaps more importantly, it takes forever to rub into your skin (like some fancy sunscreens), and moisturizes like a beast. So while it doesn’t quite remind me of beer, I still would recommend it.
Price: $7.49 each (8.5oz)
BRÖÖ shampoo and conditioner (they come in two separate bottles) are not meant to smell like beer. But they do contain actual beer! The company explains on their site why beer makes sense for hair care, but the bottom line is that elements of barley, hops, water, and yeast can all contribute to a healthier head of hair. BRÖÖ is also different because it’s also free of other ingredients you might find in cheap drugstore shampoos, like sulfates and parabens.
As for the user experience, the company is right: BRÖÖ smells nothing like beer. It smells way better than that: like you’re bathing with a glorious, melted, orange creamsicle. I wanted to use the entire bottle in a single shower. (Don’t worry, I didn’t -- I am an adult.) Best of all, my hair certainly felt thicker after using the conditioner, and the shampoo was equally cleansing and refreshing.
You can pick up all of the Broo products at Walmart!
credits:"[Broo / Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/brooHQ/photos/a.330257407034237.79046.128386480554665/1030839630309341/?type=3&theater)"
credits:"[Suds Bath and Body](http://www.sudsbathandbody.com/)" align:right width:350
When I visited Surly Brewing Co.’s brewery in Minneapolis last summer, I noticed a strange item in their gift shop: beer soap. I’d never heard of it, and because I am generally scared and skeptical of things I haven’t heard of, I avoided it. But recalling its existence while writing this story, I asked the company that manufactures the soap -- suds! bath and body -- if they could send me a sample.
They shipped over a stout soap from Minneapolis’ Town Hall Brewery, which is made with their Black H20 beer, along with saponified canola oil, coconut oil, palm oil, castor oil, and olive oil. The bar also has ground oats in it, which explains why it exfoliated the hell out of my skin. Though visible in the bar, the cocoa powder and coffee grounds didn’t come through in the aroma no matter how much I scrubbed. But I dug the natural ingredients and the fact that it was exfoliating.
If you’re planning on getting in the shower anytime soon (and I hope you are...at least once a day), it’d be in your best interest to grab one of the above beerified grooming products. Even if they don’t all smell like beer, you’re doing your body a solid. And they all pair fantastically with a shower beer, of course.
Note: Elysian Brewing Co. is a member of The High End, owned by Anheuser-Busch.