BrewDog

Booking a room “with a view” will mean something a little different at a new hotel in Columbus, Ohio, where future guests will wake up, open the blinds, and look out onto enormous wooden vats of beer.

Last month, Scotland-based brewer BrewDog announced its plan to open “the world’s first craft beer hotel” on the grounds of its newly opened U.S. brewery. The hotel, called The DogHouse, will feature 50 guest rooms, each outfitted with some really nice perks for beer lovers, like IPA on tap in every suite — and a separate beer fridge in the frickin’ shower! Elsewhere on the property, you’ll find a hot tub filled with beer, a spa offering various “beer-themed treatments,” and an all-day restaurant serving foods “all infused and paired with artisanal craft beers.”

Gracious accommodations like these don’t come cheap: build-out is expected to cost about $6 million. The company is asking its fans to chip in, launching an Indiegogo campaign that has already surpassed $300,000. The quick cash flow has encouraged the company to think of even more beer-themed amenities, like an exclusive rooftop bar serving the freshest sour beers from right next door.

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It’s everything that a beer-obsessed traveler could possibly imagine. Well, almost everything. We here at The Beer Necessities came up with some other ideas to help make the forthcoming DogHouse hotel, in the brewers’ own words, “a complete experiential environment in which to truly immerse yourself in the world of craft beer.”

  • A classically styled “malt” shop, serving beer-infused ice cream and shakes

  • State-of-the-art key cards that not only open doors — they also work as bottle openers

  • A rooftop hops garden, with bines climbing everywhere

  • A special Untappd badge you can only get if you stay there

  • Pillows stuffed with hops (a historic sleep aid)

  • Aluminum siding: lots of it, covering the entire building — all made from recycled beer cans, of course. (Heck, BrewDog could help its cause by crowdsourcing these raw materials from its consumers!)

  • A real-life canine mascot. You can’t call this place DogHouse without having an actual house dog roaming the premises. Bonus points if this modern-day Spuds MacKenzie (named Barley? Brewster? Growler?) is equipped with a CamelBak full of IPA from which guests may sip

  • Bathrobes made from luxurious hop fibers

  • A beer sauna (it’s been done before)

  • A gift shop that sells t-shirts emblazoned with words such as "DANK," "HOPPY," and "HAZY"

  • Automatic doors that sound like beer cans cracking open

  • Framed room artwork consisting of beautiful closeups of what Brettanomyces looks like under a microscope

  • An all-bearded staff (male and female employees)

  • Turndown service that replaces chocolates or mints on pillows with beer nuts

  • A heated swimming pool fully equipped with Lager Slide™

  • An in-room beer cellar to age a personalized barleywine from the time you check-in to the time you check-out 48 hours later

  • A flight of six beers, a lawnmower, and a small square of grass so guests can definitively determine which is the best lawnmower beer

  • Beer sinks

  • Beer showers

  • IV nurses, available via room service, to hook up guests with hydrating fluid and anti-nausea meds prior to checkout