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Time machines are always built with the best intentions, and yet even the noblest of time travelers end up unmaking civilization or destroying the past by accident. Well, we’ve got a solution: don’t do anything noble. Go back in time to drink beer.

We’re not talking about ancient recipes. These days, there are plenty of brewers making historically accurate styles. What we’re pitching here is a road trip through time to drink beer at significant times, with significant people.

Our theory is that everyone has a bit of Indiana Jones in them....even if it’s isolated in their livers. Combine Indy with the excellent adventuresome spirit of Bill and Ted and, well, this is our suggestion for the greatest not-quite-pub crawl in history.

One Beer from the First Round Served After Prohibition Ended

Give us a Delorean, and we’d 100% set the flux capacitor’s computer to December 4, 1933. (And if we’re stealing stuff from Back to the Future, we’d also probably grab a pair of McFly’s self-lacing shoes.) You’ll probably never find a happier group of drinkers than the guys lined up around the block waiting for the first legal pint of beer in 13 years. Prohibition does afford some really great time travel opportunities. We might make a few trips further back, and speculate on some investments while we’re at it. (Yeah, we’re grabbing Biff Tannen’s sports almanac too.)

Opening Day Samples at The Weihenstephan Brewery

Going back to 725 A.D. would be quite the journey, but a Benedictine Abbey near Munich would be a worthy destination. Weihenstephan is the oldest operating brewery today at more than 1,200 years old, and while that’s an impressive reason to visit now, it’s an even more impressive reason to visit on opening day. Give them weirdly specific predictions. Become part of their folklore. Bring a growler.

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Sipping C.S. Lewis’ Homebrew

Did you know The Chronicles of Narnia writer was a homebrewer? Neither did we until we started poking around on this research project. There are weirder sci-fi and fantasy tales in the world, but we’re pretty sure whatever went into Lewis’s recipe wouldn’t meet the Reinheitsgebot requirements, if you take our meaning. Put another way: we’d love to take a pint through the wardrobe for an afternoon.

The First Batch of Obama’s White House Beer

It wouldn’t be a long trip back in time, but we’re pretty sure there was a magic moment to witness when Obama tried the first taste of the first beer brewed in the White House. Beer drinkers on both sides of the aisle can agree that homebrewing taking place in any house is a good look. Obama posted his recipes publicly after the fact, and you can recreate them on your own...but it’d just taste better if you drank a pint in the Rose Garden.

Trying Sam Adams, by Sam Adams

Okay, there are a lot of Founding Fathers namechecked in this article later on, but wouldn’t it be fun to taste Samuel Adams beer, as brewed by Samuel Adams? Women seem to love the Marc by Marc Jacobs label and that’s the same level of redundant. Plus, you could really trip Sam out regaling him with stories of his beer centuries later. “They serve it in planes.” Dude would be floored. Especially once you explain to him what the hell a plane is.

Killing Time with the Stockpile on Noah’s Ark

The manifest for Noah’s Ark included two of everything when it came to animals, but it’s likely that the rest of the space on the wayward ship was stockpiled with booze. Scholars suggest Noah was actually a beer trader, going port to port pedaling his wares. We’re not here to get into historical and religious debates, but you can be sure we’d learn a lot from 40 days and 40 nights of drinking.

Testing All of George Washington’s Test Brews

The first president of the United States was a homebrewer (and later a distiller), so we know he liked booze. He wrote the recipe for his beer in 1757, but what about everything before that? The guy who helped build a more perfect union probably had a lot of thoughts about how to brew a more perfect ale, and we’d take a sabbatical just to spend six months watching him tinker. Plus the late-night rants about King George would be fun to hear.

credits:"[brx0 / Flickr]("

Voting on James Madison’s Recipe for the Official American Beer

Madison was a founding father, president, and a general American icon, but we’d love to drink with him for a much more bizarre reason: he had a plan for a National American Brewery. It was presented as a plan to establish quality controls and protect the supply of beer, the same way the Federal Reserve protects money. He even wanted to have a Secretary of Beer. And to think all the buzzkills in Congress shot that down. Anyway, we’d love to try some of his potential national beer recipe and listen to him explain the duties of the Secretary of Beer....just so we could apply for the position.

Starting the Day with a 19th Century Breakfast Beer

In the 19th century, Americans heading to labor-intensive jobs for the day would often take the ultimate power breakfast: a glass of beer with two raw eggs dropped in, like a boozy Rocky. Two eggs over lager, if you will. We know that we could just as easily do that tomorrow morning (or right now), but it’d be a lot more fun to drink when performing that simple act is a part of daily life. One thing to keep in mind: consuming raw eggs can cause sickness! The beer part of that breakfast is flawless, obviously.