Santa Claus is coming to town!
….According to sources I’ve spoken to who are close to Kris Kringle, and that one Christmas song.
Everyone knows that on Christmas Eve, Santa takes flight to deliver presents to everyone all over the world. Don’t try to give me that, “Santa’s not real” junk! Ever since I entered my teenage years, people have made fun of me for holding on. But even as a man in his 30s, I still believe in my man. Hey, so does Google! Since when has Google ever been wrong about anything??
I can always use a cold beer at the end of any super long shift. Why should Mr. Kringle be any different? Bringing good tidings and cheer is no easy task -- so to help Santa unwind at the end of a brutal night, we’re recommending six beers that’ll lift his spirits and reward him for a job well done. And even if you’re not Santa (and you’re not, because he’s a real old man who lives in the North Pole and gives us all gifts if we’ve been good), you’ll likely enjoy these beers just as much!
What to drink when you’re super mad at the elves for messing something up
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Santa’s Beer: Fat Head’s Brewery Sunshine Daydream Session IPA
Santa is an infallible being who is always on time delivering presents and bringing joy to everyone over the holidays. Santa’s little helpers are another story altogether. Those elves often screw up royally, and Santa is always left holding the bag (of presents). So when Santa has to inevitably fly back to the North Pole to pick up some gifts that the elves forgot to stow on the sleigh, he’s got some time to kill. And because he needs to be on his game when he gets back to work, a session IPA is the way to go. Fathead’s 4.9% ABV IPA still packs plenty of flavor, with a mix of Simcoe, Centennial, Citra, and HBC 342 hops.
What to drink when the milk and cookies aren’t cutting it
Santa’s Beer: Against the Grain Brewery 35 K
When Santa comes into your living room to leave presents underneath your tree, it’s only right to leave him milk and cookies. But think about it from Santa’s perspective (as I often do!) -- those glasses of plain ol’ milk have to get old, pretty fast. We think Mr. K should switch things up with a milk stout, like the 7% ABV lactose-enhanced, chocolate and coffee note-filled 35 K from Louisville, Kentucky’s Against the Grain. Once Santa gets a sip of that brew, we think he’s going to demand all of his glasses of milk in the form of milk stouts.
What to drink when the cold gets to you
Santa’s Beer: Upslope Brewing Co. Blood Orange Saison
I’ve never flown behind a fleet of reindeer high in the atmosphere, but I can imagine that it’s pretty cold up there! And while it’s lovely to drink a winter ale when things get chilly, we think Santa needs some citrus to cheer up his tastebuds and remind him of warmer climes. You might not know this -- but blood orange beers are typically consumed in the fall/winter! One of our favorites is from Boulder, Colorado’s Upslope and features the not-too-sweet citrus enhancing their already delicious saison. As an aside, I feel like Santa should spend his post-Christmas break in Boulder. It can get chilly there (so Santa won’t miss the North Pole climate too much), and the beer scene is way better.
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What to drink when the reindeer get tired and need a break
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Santa’s Beer: Goose Island Beer Co. Bourbon County Brand Stout 2017
Obviously Santa is an omniscient being who knows if you’ve been bad or good, and therefore he also doesn’t ever have to take bathroom breaks when he’s on a 24-hour trip across the world to deliver presents. He’s got plenty of time to go to when Christmas is over. Unfortunately, his trusty reindeer are earthly mammals. So Santa’s gonna need a little nip while the reindeer stretch their legs (hooves?) and take a quick breather. We think the warming feeling from one of the most popular barrel-aged stouts in the country should do the trick. A bottle of Goose Island Bourbon County Stout might be hard to track down, but Santa has friends everywhere. And if Santa (or you!) want to level up any barrel-aged stout, it can’t hurt to make a milkshake out of it.
What to drink to celebrate after delivering the final present
Santa’s Beer: Evil Genius Beer Co. Santa! I Know Him!
I’ll never know what it’s like to fly around the world in 24 hours delivering presents. But I did take a flight across the Atlantic Ocean on a plane one time, so I know international travel can be exhausting. Once Santa’s journey is over, we think he deserves a high alcohol Christmas-y feeling brew to close out the night. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania brewery Evil Genius has just what the San-Man needs: a 7.2% ABV saison brewed with rose hips, chamomile, black currants, and dark Belgian candi syrup. Granted, rose hips and chamomile aren’t traditional Christmas flavors. But we think Santa will enjoy this playful take on a holiday ale. He’s certainly earned it.
Also, I hope he reads this article and finally replies to those letters I’ve been sending him for the last 30 or so years.
Note: Goose Island Beer Co. ember of The High End, owned by Anheuser-Busch.