Sonny Ross

If you need to say something like, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!” to justify the beer you’re about to drink, you’re a sucker. Because there are dozens of legitimate reasons why you should have a beer tonight -- or in a few minutes...or right now -- and none of them hinge on a technicality or a time of day.

In fact, we’ve got 100 of ‘em right here:

  1. Because the work day is over.
  2. Because your day at work went especially well.
  3. Because your day went terribly wrong.
  4. Because that new woman in HR refuses to do anything about the dude sitting next to you who won’t stop clearing his throat and asking you to check out the USB cables he’s picked out on Amazon.com.
  5. Because you just met someone great at the bar.
  6. Because you just got dumped.
  7. Because you met someone at the bar the same night you got dumped, and you made out with that new person, and now your ex- is soooo pissed.
  8. Because you just worked out and need to replenish your fluids.
  9. Because the joy of popping the top of a beer and pouring it carefully into a pint glass is as calming as meditating in a Japanese garden.
  10. Because if you’re going to ask that girl to dance, you could use a little courage.
  11. Because all your friends are in town!
  12. Because beer is your only friend.
  13. Because your one friend who just had a kid and never comes out is here.
  14. Because you have a kid now!
  15. Because your roommate is out of town and you can finally sit alone on your couch and watch whatever the hell you want on your HBO Go account (okay, your roommate’s account...)
  16. Because you’ve been craving one all day long.
  17. Because a stout would taste real good right about now.
  18. Because a pilsner would taste real good right about now.
  19. Because -- oh God, there are hundreds of styles, and there’s got to be one that fits the moment perfectly.
  20. Because you went to the dentist earlier and the Novocaine just wore off.
  21. Because you lied to your boss about going to the dentist, and want to celebrate leaving work early.
  22. Because there’s an emoji for it (🍻).
  23. Because an asteroid could wipe humanity off the earth at any moment -- and do you really want to be drinking water when that happens?
  24. Because beer goes great with pizza.
  25. Because beer goes great with Chinese takeout.
  26. Because beer goes great with fast food.
  27. Because beer goes great with slow food.
  28. Because beer goes great with whatever comes out of that food truck sitting in front of the brewery.
  29. Because a foam mustache gives you an air of temporary gravitas.
  30. Because you can take your tastebuds on a tour around the world via the flavors of different beer styles.
  31. Because the bubbles tickle your throat!
  32. Because scrolling through the news feed on your phone is easier with beer in one hand.
  33. Because it makes your horrible cooking taste better.
  34. Because it makes your partner’s terrible cooking taste better.
  35. Because it’s fun to say “Hold my beer” to no one in particular.
  36. Because it’s even more fun to ask a friend to hold your beer; then do something super low stakes like go to the bathroom.
  37. Because you have 15 hours before you have to be at work again and season two of Stranger Things ain’t gonna watch itself.
  38. Because drinking beer while watching basketball is a an American pastime.
  39. Because drinking beer while watching football is quintessentially American.
  40. Because drinking beer while watching baseball is quintessentially American-er.
  41. Because drinking beer while watching hockey is quintessentially Canadian, and Canada is close to America.
  42. Because if you don’t have a beer in your hand while you’re watching golf, you’re a sick masochist.
  43. Because dodgeball, softball, and kickball are all better with beer.
  44. Because live music is better with beer.
  45. Because recorded music is better with beer.
  46. Because playing music looks cooler with beer (even though it often sounds worse).
  47. Because drinking beer out of German steins is hella fun.
  48. Because if you just drink five more beers of different styles, you’ll get a new Untappd badge.
  49. Because you’re READY TO FUCKING PARTY.
  50. Because it’d be weird to just start telling that guy behind the bar all of your problems out of nowhere.
  51. Because you went beer shopping, and now it’s time to enjoy your haul.
  52. Because you traded beer with a friend across the country, and the bottles just arrived.
  53. Because it’s tough to find a good Shirley Temple nowadays.
  54. Because you found a bar with an amazing Shirley Temple, but you’re definitely chasing it with a beer.
  55. Because whether it’s winter, spring, summer, or fall, there’s a seasonal beer perfect for the time of year.
  56. Because your friends got a pitcher, and it’d be downright disrespectful to not help them drink it.
  57. Because you just saw a movie in which everyone was drinking beer.
  58. Because beer lowers your blood pressure according to that one scientific study you read somewhere at some point.
  59. Because it might improve your cholesterol...according to that other scientific study you read somewhere...at some point.
  60. Because...uh...because drinking beer might boost your memory...according to that one scientific study you read somewhere at some point!
  61. Because...I forgot.
  62. Because if you’re drinking beer in a local taproom, you can enjoy a conversation with the very person who brewed it.
  63. Because you deserve it.
  64. Because you just did yoga in a brewery, and it’d be weird to wind down with a white wine spritzer afterwards.
  65. Because reading the entire Lord of the Rings series is too great of a commitment.
  66. Because maybe someone will see you drinking and will be like, “Wow, that person has real star power,” and then casts you in a movie opposite Will Ferrell, and a year later you’re sipping that same exact beer from your sweeping balcony overlooking the hills of Tuscany and you’re like, “I’m really glad I drank this beer in that brewery that one night.”
  67. Because maybe no one sees you drinking the beer, but it tastes great and the taproom has chill vibes, so who gives a flying full tank of gas if you don’t get to star in a movie?
  68. Because if the multiverse theory is true, there’s a version of this world that doesn’t have beer in it, and you feel lucky to not live in that reality.
  69. Because...wait, what number is this?....Niiiiiiice.
  70. Because sometimes taking just one sip of a certain beer can take you back to a certain time or place in your life, like a 12-ounce liquid time machine.
  71. Because you’re alive.
  72. Because you’re not dead yet!
  73. Because ever since you read that Neil deGrasse Tyson book on the history of the universe, you recognize that every person is a gosh darn miracle.
  74. Because even if you’re in the mood for wine, you can find a beer that reminds you of a glass.
  75. Because YOLO.
  76. Because swiping through thousands of faces on Tinder while sober is an unbearably depressing notion.
  77. Because every night is a good night to crack open that bottle you’ve been aging in your basement.
  78. Because a shot of your favorite brown liquor goes great with a brew.
  79. Because the only thing that makes sense in this crazy, crazy world anymore is a cold beer at the end of the day.
  80. Because there are over 5,000 breweries in the US, and wouldn’t it be fun to drink a beer from every single one?
  81. Because putting a coozie around a can of soda just feels wrong.
  82. Because looking at the fantastic art on beer labels is cheaper than going to a museum.
  83. Because drinking beer entitles you to opinions you can use to troll people on beer rating sites.
  84. Because your homebrew just finished fermenting and drinking something you made from scratch is a unique joy.
  85. Because picking up the tab on the next round feels good.
  86. Because if you ever get the chance to drink a fresh hop beer, you realize that an already delicious IPA can taste even better.
  87. Because beer has a special ingredient that might make you -- if only temporarily -- happier.
  88. Because sharing a beer with your dad is a rite of passage.
  89. Because sharing a beer with your mom should also be a rite of passage.
  90. Because you’re gonna need something with a touch of booze before opening that New York Times news alert.
  91. Because I can’t believe you’ve read this far.
  92. Because you can’t believe you’ve read this far either.
  93. Because the next beer you drink for the first time could be your favorite beer ever.
  94. Because drinking an imperial stout with an ABV over 10% on a frigid winter day will instantly snap you out of a bad mood.
  95. Because drinking a fruit beer is basically like eating fruit without all that annoying, exhausting chewing.
  96. Because every beer you drink makes more room in your fridge for, you know, actual food.
  97. Because a beer a day keeps the doctor away -- as long as you’ve also had an apple that day.
  98. Because how many more reasons do you need?
  99. Because, ok, we’ll give you one more.
  100. Because you never needed a reason in the first place.

credits:"Jess Nash"